Archives for category: Diaper Bags

In an ideal world, I would never have poop on me.

This is not an ideal world.

No, this is a world covered in poop. I am the world. I am covered in poop.

I know what you’re thinking, “Toph, what’s the deal, buddy? Why can’t your kid keep it in his pants?” To be honest, I have no idea. We’ve tried so many different types of diapers. We’ve tried the Pampers Swaddlers and the Huggies Little Snugglers and still poop comes pouring out.

(Yes, you’re reading this correctly. Another edition of Gray’s poop stories)

His favorite place to poop seems to be on me. When I have him in the position that’s photoed in this post, forget it, he’s going to poop on me. As soon as I feel the rush of poo, I pick him up quickly and sprint to the changing table. Too late. I’m covered.

We do seem to have a bit more success with the Little Snugglers.

I think the biggest problem is the amount of poop Grayson produces. Seriously, when he lets it go it’s everywhere. When he goes more than day without pooping, our house is on Threat Level Red. Expecting parents prepare yourself. When these kids poop, it goes everywhere. It goes between their leg creases and under their huevos. The best part is when they start kicking their legs and get their feet in it. The whole thing escalates quickly. Next thing you know your kid is covered in poop and Brick killed a guy with a trident.

My steps to avoid this disaster (though futile) are:
1. Removing socks and pulling up onesie as high as I can.
2. Trying to clean his butt with the existing diaper as much as I can.
3. Holding his legs up while I get more wet wipes.
4. High pressured water hose.

When you’re traveling with him, I also recommend packing a few freezer bags in his diaper bag, plus an extra outfit (or two, depending how long you’ll be gone). The freezer bags help to protect the contents of the diaper bag after an explosion. Just be careful not to leave the poop-laden clothes in the diaper bag too long. Trust me. I opened a 2 day old bag, and it fried my nose hairs off. Sure, it was good to get rid of some unwanted nose hair, but there are better methods.

As I mentioned in my introduction, guys get screwed when it comes to baby products. Especially when it comes to diaper bags. Somehow our choices are really cheesy (think footballs all over it), or we’re looking at carrying a Petunia Pickle Bottom. Sorry, but I have zero desire to carry something called Petunia Pickle Bottom.

And, if there is a bag that’s “designed for a guy,” it’s fucking camouflaged, has skulls on it or is bright orange. I mean really? Who comes up with this shit? At what point did diaper bag designers decide that they’re going to exclusively design diaper bags for women and rednecks? “That’s it. The only people who carry diaper bags are women and rednecks,” said every diaper bag designer. If the camo diaper bag would add a pouch for my Skoal longcut and Budweiser, then I’m sold.

Everyone that knows me knows that I’m probably overly concerned with how I look. So, carrying around a bag that wasn’t me, wasn’t an option.

Here’s the other wrinkle. Carrying two diaper bags is a terrible idea. We considered it. For starters, no one wants to buy twice the things you need for a diaper bag or two diaper bags. Secondly, well, there is no secondly. I just don’t want to have to buy twice the things you put in a diaper bag or a second bag.

Here’s the good news. You can actually convince your lady to spend wildly on a diaper bag. It’s true. Back when Diabla was looking for diaper bags in the $50 range (I know…), I was trying to figure out how to get her to up the ante a bit. “Honey, let’s look at it this way. How much do you spend on purses? Essentially, this is a purse we both have to carry, right? Plus, it’s going to last a long time. Imagine if we have another kid? We could possibly use it twice.” “OMG, you’re right!”

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s go time.

Here are the top 3 bags I found, including the one we decided to go with:

3. Gucci Messenger Diaper Bag – $845

As much as I’d like to say I convinced my wife to spend money on a diaper bag, I’d never be able to convince her to spend $800 on something that’s going to be shit on. Needless to say, the Gucci diaper bag was out. But, dude, if you can swing it, do it. Be the envy of every mom that passes you buy.

2. Jack Spade Seersucker Messenger – (On sale) $97.50

Diabla and I literally drooled when we saw this bag. Sure, it’s not a diaper bag, per se, but it’s awesome nonetheless. Did you know Kate Spade’s husband made bags? Me either! Begrudgingly, we decided to pass on the Jack Spade. Here’s why: Seersucker in the winter is a faux pas, no easily cleaned lining, and no changing pad. God, but I love it so, so much. (Not gonna lie, I think we’re going to end up buying it anyway).

And the winner was…

1. DwellStudio Navy Sullivan Diaper Bag – $180

Is it flashy? No. Is it perfect? Yes. There are so many pockets, and it can be worn with anything. It’s really big, without looking overly gigantic. It cleans easily and comes with a changing pad. We actually have the DwellStudio sheets and bedding, so we’re kind of devoted to these guys. Plus, both Dibs and I can wear this bag, and it matches our stroller. My only complaint is that the zippers and metal are gold. They don’t look gold in the photos, huh? The zipper is only on one side, so I just flip it over. Despite that, it’s totally worth the $180. It also comes in brown and gray.

Good luck… Finding a solid diaper bag is a bitch.

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