Archives for category: Newborn Products

In an ideal world, I would never have poop on me.

This is not an ideal world.

No, this is a world covered in poop. I am the world. I am covered in poop.

I know what you’re thinking, “Toph, what’s the deal, buddy? Why can’t your kid keep it in his pants?” To be honest, I have no idea. We’ve tried so many different types of diapers. We’ve tried the Pampers Swaddlers and the Huggies Little Snugglers and still poop comes pouring out.

(Yes, you’re reading this correctly. Another edition of Gray’s poop stories)

His favorite place to poop seems to be on me. When I have him in the position that’s photoed in this post, forget it, he’s going to poop on me. As soon as I feel the rush of poo, I pick him up quickly and sprint to the changing table. Too late. I’m covered.

We do seem to have a bit more success with the Little Snugglers.

I think the biggest problem is the amount of poop Grayson produces. Seriously, when he lets it go it’s everywhere. When he goes more than day without pooping, our house is on Threat Level Red. Expecting parents prepare yourself. When these kids poop, it goes everywhere. It goes between their leg creases and under their huevos. The best part is when they start kicking their legs and get their feet in it. The whole thing escalates quickly. Next thing you know your kid is covered in poop and Brick killed a guy with a trident.

My steps to avoid this disaster (though futile) are:
1. Removing socks and pulling up onesie as high as I can.
2. Trying to clean his butt with the existing diaper as much as I can.
3. Holding his legs up while I get more wet wipes.
4. High pressured water hose.

When you’re traveling with him, I also recommend packing a few freezer bags in his diaper bag, plus an extra outfit (or two, depending how long you’ll be gone). The freezer bags help to protect the contents of the diaper bag after an explosion. Just be careful not to leave the poop-laden clothes in the diaper bag too long. Trust me. I opened a 2 day old bag, and it fried my nose hairs off. Sure, it was good to get rid of some unwanted nose hair, but there are better methods.


Finding the right bottle is key to your kid’s development. If you choose the wrong bottle, you’re screwing him over for the rest of his life. It’s the butterfly effect of raising a child. Pick a BornFree today, and your kid fails his driver’s licenses test when he’s 16.

No, none of that is true at all, but picking the right bottle is important and difficult. We’re now two months into it, and we still haven’t really settled on a bottle. We’re actually using a Bottle-By-Committee, and going with a three-headed attack.

Here’s what we choose, and why.

Playtex Drop-in Bottles – We like the Playtex drop-ins, because it reduces the cleaning by a lot. It does increase the amount of trash, which I’m sure some people will frown upon. We like the Drop-ins because it reduces burping and farting, plus it’s supposed to help reduce colic. Price is pretty cheap. About $5 for the bottle, $10 for the drop-ins.

Medela Bottles – We use the Medela breast pump, so we store in the Medela Bottles. It’s pretty much as simple as that. I can’t recall a time when we’ve used them outside of the house, but if you’re going to pump they’re good to have. Just close them with the cap, refrigerate them, and then replace with a nipple (hahah… nipple) when you’re ready to feed him. I don’t know how much they cost, because I’m pretty sure they came with our breast pump. (Diabla Note: We did use the Medela bottles over the weekend, because we were gone all day. She pumped, and we used those bottles, since she couldn’t breastfeed him. She’d also like you to know that we don’t use bottles often, since she breastfeeds.)

LifeFactory Bottles – These bottles really are great. We were awarded one in our birthing class, McMoyler Method, and we haven’t looked back. We also bought bottles for us, we liked them so much. Here’s the details: They’re a Berkeley startup that creates sleek BPA-free glass bottles, free of chemicals and FDA approved. Ecofriendly, and awesome. You will not regret having these bottles. At around $12, they may not be the cheapest, but they’re definitely the most worth it.

BornFree – We have two BornFree bottles. They sit up in the cabinet unused.

Everyone says, “You’ll figure out that you don’t need half of the stuff you buy/is bought for you really quickly when the baby comes.” What they don’t say is, “You don’t know half of the shit that you actually need, or don’t need.” Why does no one tell you this stuff?

I got with Diabla and we put together a list of both the things we have and never used, and the things didn’t have, but really needed. I hope it helps you guys, cause, dang, no one told us this shit.

Blankets – Everyone buys you blankets. I don’t remember putting 100 blankets on the registry, yet, there they sit. Unused. We have maybe 3 blankets out of 20 that get used. The rest are in a drawer.

Diapers – It’s not that we didn’t think we’d need diapers. Of course we did. We just didn’t realize the amount of Newborn diapers we’d actually need. Holy crap he goes through a lot of diapers. Seriously, when you think you have enough Newborn diapers, buy 36 more.

Pacifier – We decided that we weren’t going to let Grayson go the pacifier route. Then we spent a night with him. Did you know the way babies soothe themselves is with sucking? Apparently, they keep their hands in their mouth a lot when in the womb. I didn’t know this. Then the first thing we do when they’re out of the womb is take their hands away. If you’re worried about them becoming addicted, Diabla read that as long as you don’t let them rely on it after month 3, it should be ok.

Lotion – We have a shitpile of baby lotion. First thing our pediatrician said, “Don’t use baby lotion on his dry skin.” Um, ok…

Boppy – Did you know the Boppy really isn’t supposed to be used for newborns? We didn’t either. Luckily a friend of ours handed hers down, and we didn’t buy it. The lactation consultant suggested the My BrestFriend (Remember when you were her “Brest Friend,” dads?). Dibs loves it. I still can’t figure out where the A in breast went.

Onesies – Stay away from buttons. Seriously, if you can find onesies that zip from toe to neck, buy them. They are so simple. Especially at 4am when you’re half asleep trying to match up buttons. Man, that is so dumb.

Shout Stain Remover – Our spray Shout now resides in a changing table drawer. Seriously, the kid poops on everything.

Lotrimin – Yes, the athlete’s foot cream. John Madden has Tough Actin’ Tinactin, baby’s have Lotrimin. It really is amazing how quickly it can get rid of diaper rash.

Swaddle – The swaddles that were bought for us sucked so hard. I stole 3 from the hospital, and we still use them. I hate the ones that have the velcro, as Gray breaks them easily. And the ones from Swaddle Designs are too flimsy.

Nipple Cream – Apparently a kid on your breast can do some things to your nips. Not to go to far into it, but Dibs recommends Motherlove. It doesn’t stain your clothes like some others.

Hand Sanitizer – I hate hand sanitizer so much. A friend of ours bought us some of this EO Hand Sanitizer Gel, and I love it. I love the lavender and I love the lemon. It doesn’t stink like most, and frankly doesn’t make your hands taste like shit. It’s great for diaper changes. You can find the EO at Whole Foods.

Lots of Wet Wipes – We go through about a pack of wipes a day. Since I hate the pee-pee-teepee, I put a dry wipe over him when I change him. I also use one to pat his booty dry.

Crib Bedding – See blankets. We subscribe to the Empty Crib theory, so the only thing in the crib is Gray, a swaddle and a…

Suction Ball Thing – That’s all that we put in the crib. I keep the same suction ball thing from the hospital in his crib. I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of it.

Changing Pad Covers / Disposable Covers – Get plenty. They’re going to poop, piss and spit up all over them. Gray’s record right now is 3 in one day.

Burp Cloths – Again, the more the better. Trust me.

Pants – Funny story. We didn’t have any pants for Grayson. We had an abundance of onesie’s, but no pants. Needless to say, we had to make a quick trip to Baby Gap for some pants for the little guy. How the hell do you forget to buy your kid pants? We’re terrible parents.