I guess there’s a first time for everything.
Enter August 19th at 9am.
Grayson is in between feedings, which has become diaper changing time for me. If you remember in the 10 Steps to Being the Awesomest Dad Ever the #1 step I mentioned was changing the diaper every time when you’re home. It just gives the woman a little time to regroup and, well, she’s doing everything else, isn’t she? Let me just say the way I had his changing table set up was wrong. Extremely wrong.
As I mentioned, we live in San Francisco. Our space is limited. So, Grayson, for now, is in our room. We, well, we didn’t think things through. We had his changing table in our living room, because we figured there was better air circulation in there. Then we had his pack n play set up in our room next to his crib, for the late night changes. We really didn’t think things through.
Needless to say, since that day, I change diapers differently. Whereas I used to change them with his ass pointed toward me, I now change from the side. We’ve killed the pack n play, and now have the changing table in the room.
Let’s backtrack a little. It’s 9am feeding time, I take Grayson over to his pack n play to change him. Now Grayson is a pooper, I tell you. This kid poops like he’s just downed a bottle of ex-lax, while chewing tobacco and smoking cigarettes. As I open the diaper, shockingly, I don’t see anything there.
It was like being in front of a firing squad. I’ve never seen projectile poop before. I’ve especially never seen projectile poop flying towards me.
It was like 2 Guys 1 Diaper change in there.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t get out of the way in time. I was covered, his sheets were covered and the floor was covered. I looked back at Diabla, as Gray laid there satisfied, and we both lost it. Seriously, lost it.
There I stood, covered in my son’s poop, and we’re both laughing our asses off.
You never know how you’ll react the first time you get hosed down by poop. It’s definitely not something I’m going to forget.
After I finished changing, showered and did the laundry, I changed the changing arrangement. I moved the changing table into the room, and now change him from the side of the table.
I still have nightmares about this.
Skip The Youth 
yes, this has happened to me, too. About a month ago, Julie, Nigel, and I were traveling back from a wedding in Corpus Christi. Exhausted and ready to get home, we decided to feed Nigel Britney Spears-style. So I grabbed him out of the car seat and administered his bottle while Julie drove.
Let’s back up about an hour and a half to when I polished off my 3rd beer in Austin and changed the boy’s diaper. Apparently, I somehow did it wrong.
Fast forward to food time in the car. Nigel finishes the bottle. I bring him up for a quick burp. Right about the time I noticed that his poop was all over my lap and hands, the boy spits up. I’m pretty sure there was pee in there, too, so I’m calling this “the trifecta.”
It wasn’t a pleasant ride from Waco to Dallas.
YES! Such a good story. i feel like you need to contribute this to blog, Dan…
I’ve seen my fair share of poop from Lil ‘E. He’s never pooped on me but he has shot me with pee a few times. I have a “wee block” for that, http://tinyurl.com/26hd7fz.
Yeah we have that, too… I’ve still been putting a dry wipe on it.