“When your kid comes, your life will never be the same. Enjoy it while you can.”

How many times have you guys heard that? Every time I went to Vegas, Miami or New York before the kid came some douche dad said that to me on Facebook. So, I started blocking them on Facebook. (I love blocking people on Facebook. It’s the best. Yeah… you’re my friend… but you’re BLOCKED!)

Obviously when the kid comes things change. No one really tells you what is actually going to change, though, do they? Well, guys, that’s why you hired me! What’s that? I’m doing this for nothing? Eff…

So Long Life Without Guilt – Prepared to feel guilty about everything you do from here on out. I went golfing for the first time since Gray was born two Sunday’s ago. The whole time I felt like I was a terrible person for being gone. I wasn’t. On Sunday I’m going to the Frightened Rabbit concert. I’ve felt guilty about this since I bought the ticket. 2 months before Gray was born.

Seriously, You’re Going to be a Whole New Kind of Sleepy – And, here’s the thing, you can’t really complain about it! Dibs is a part of new mom’s group that discusses this sort of thing. I’m thinking we should start a new dad’s group to talk to each other about what we’re not allowed to talk to our wives about. Because no matter how tired you are, she’s 10 times more tired than you. Of course she is. Why wouldn’t she be? The metaphor would be complaining to someone that you had to settle for a BMW M model, when they’re driving their Grandma’s Cutlass Supreme.

You’re About to Accept A Lot – My example of this, if you follow my twitter, happened the other day at lunch. My friend, Ryan, and I were in line at the Thai place, and I’m on my phone. Ryan says, “Dude, what’s all over your phone?” I examine, shrug my shoulders and say, “Grayson pooped all over me last night. It must have gotten all over my phone.” This was at lunch! I’d gone over 12 hours with poop covering the top of my iPhone 4, and I shrugged it off. Never in my life did I think I’d laugh when someone hosed me down with poop, yet, here we are.

You’re Excited About the Tiniest Things – Every milestone that happens makes you think your kid is a genius. I mean… of course he is.

Eating Is a Whole New Experience – When we go to restaurants, we basically prepay, and ask them to bring it out in to go boxes. When he cries, one of us tries to calm down, if we fail, then we’re out. Eating at home is even more fun. She’s eating and I’m holding him. I’m eating and she’s holding him. Just be ready to eat cold food.

(As I type this, I’m having a beer at the office. I feel guilty about this. I told you!)

What else have you guys noticed as changing? Let’s start the New Dad’s Group…. now.

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