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Diaper Bags For a Dude (and the Lady)

September 2, 2010 //
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As I mentioned in my introduction, guys get screwed when it comes to baby products. Especially when it comes to diaper bags. Somehow our choices are really cheesy (think footballs all over it), or we’re looking at carrying a Petunia Pickle Bottom. Sorry, but I have zero desire to carry something called Petunia Pickle Bottom.

And, if there is a bag that’s “designed for a guy,” it’s fucking camouflaged, has skulls on it or is bright orange. I mean really? Who comes up with this shit? At what point did diaper bag designers decide that they’re going to exclusively design diaper bags for women and rednecks? “That’s it. The only people who carry diaper bags are women and rednecks,” said every diaper bag designer. If the camo diaper bag would add a pouch for my Skoal longcut and Budweiser, then I’m sold.

Everyone that knows me knows that I’m probably overly concerned with how I look. So, carrying around a bag that wasn’t me, wasn’t an option.

Here’s the other wrinkle. Carrying two diaper bags is a terrible idea. We considered it. For starters, no one wants to buy twice the things you need for a diaper bag or two diaper bags. Secondly, well, there is no secondly. I just don’t want to have to buy twice the things you put in a diaper bag or a second bag.

Here’s the good news. You can actually convince your lady to spend wildly on a diaper bag. It’s true. Back when Diabla was looking for diaper bags in the $50 range (I know…), I was trying to figure out how to get her to up the ante a bit. “Honey, let’s look at it this way. How much do you spend on purses? Essentially, this is a purse we both have to carry, right? Plus, it’s going to last a long time. Imagine if we have another kid? We could possibly use it twice.” “OMG, you’re right!”

Ladies and gentlemen, it’s go time.

Here are the top 3 bags I found, including the one we decided to go with:

3. Gucci Messenger Diaper Bag – $845

As much as I’d like to say I convinced my wife to spend money on a diaper bag, I’d never be able to convince her to spend $800 on something that’s going to be shit on. Needless to say, the Gucci diaper bag was out. But, dude, if you can swing it, do it. Be the envy of every mom that passes you buy.

2. Jack Spade Seersucker Messenger – (On sale) $97.50

Diabla and I literally drooled when we saw this bag. Sure, it’s not a diaper bag, per se, but it’s awesome nonetheless. Did you know Kate Spade’s husband made bags? Me either! Begrudgingly, we decided to pass on the Jack Spade. Here’s why: Seersucker in the winter is a faux pas, no easily cleaned lining, and no changing pad. God, but I love it so, so much. (Not gonna lie, I think we’re going to end up buying it anyway).

And the winner was…

1. DwellStudio Navy Sullivan Diaper Bag – $180

Is it flashy? No. Is it perfect? Yes. There are so many pockets, and it can be worn with anything. It’s really big, without looking overly gigantic. It cleans easily and comes with a changing pad. We actually have the DwellStudio sheets and bedding, so we’re kind of devoted to these guys. Plus, both Dibs and I can wear this bag, and it matches our stroller. My only complaint is that the zippers and metal are gold. They don’t look gold in the photos, huh? The zipper is only on one side, so I just flip it over. Despite that, it’s totally worth the $180. It also comes in brown and gray.

Good luck… Finding a solid diaper bag is a bitch.

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Categories Baby Accessories for Dad, Diaper Bags, Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting

10 Steps to Being the Awesomest Husband and Dad Ever

August 31, 2010 //
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Granted I’ve only been a Dad for 2 weeks, but in that time I’ve heard the magical words, “You’re the best husband ever.” Trust me, I was just as floored as you are right now.

Best husband ever is not really a title I’m used to, you know? Ever since she said this I’ve been trying to figure out what I’ve done to earn such a praise, from a woman nicknamed Diabla, mind you.

Not only what I’ve done, but also how I can help my fellow new Dad’s in achieving this wonderful title. So, here’s my list of things I did (or really tried to do) to make my wife’s life so much easier.

10. Do not let the home become a shit-hole. Man, this is hard. I hate cleaning. If you ask me, I say it’s always worth it to pay someone to clean your place. Problem is, when you have a baby all you can think about is saving money (we’ve already started a 529 for Grayson). I decided I’d make it my job to clean the place while she was breastfeeding. Shocking the results.

9. Cook. I am the worst cook in the history of the world. Seriously. Luckily, we have friends around us who were thrilled to bring us dinners, in exchange for some precious baby time. Fine by us! But, they won’t do it every night (we need more friends). I’ve learned to follow recipes fairly well. Nothing too difficult, pre-made pastas, taco night and steak and potatoes are all perfect. Make sure you clean the dishes while you’re at it. Trust.

8. Give the lady quiet time. Dude, you’re sleeping so much more than her. Let’s be honest, during the 3am feedings, you’ve definitely fallen asleep. So, help her out during the day by taking the kid for a walk outside. She’ll be able to take a nap, or shower. It’s shocking how much showering makes my wife feel like a normal person.

7. Laundry. Wow, does our kid go through a lot of clothes. And, of course, we have coin laundry. In our house, me doing the laundry this isn’t a problem, because I do it anyways. Of course, you could always pay someone to do it for you.

6. Bring the baby to your wife at night. The best tip I got was from a dad who said, “When it’s feeding time at night, get up and bring the baby to your wife. This will pay off dividends.” It has.

5. “You’re a great mom, you’re a great mom, you’re a great mom.” Having a kid is the most frustrating thing a woman can go through (I’ve determined). Constant reminders about how wonderful a job she is doing can go along way. Plus, it might save her from throwing the baby out the window when he won’t latch at 3am.

4. Don’t bitch. “Honey, I’m tired.” “You’re fucking tired?! Really!? You’re tired? Let me tell you how tired I am, then we’ll see just how tired you feel, a-hole.” Yeah, let’s avoid this at all costs.

3. Keep track of the feedings and the boobs. I’ve been keeping a log so that we were on a schedule during the first couple of weeks. It’s helped keep both our sanity, and allowed us to plan for everything outside the boob a lot better. Also, it helps to know what boob to start with. Trust me, it’s too difficult to keep up. PS. Some people buy their wives bracelets and things of that nature to remember.

2. Don’t let her feel like a milk cow. The worst thing that can happen is for your wife to feel like she’s only here to feed the baby. On one boob, diaper change, on the next boob, baby goes away, she pumps, he sleeps, she sleeps, he wakes up and it’s rinse and repeat. Make sure your wife is getting quality time with the little guy. Otherwise she’s going pretty depressed, and it’ll be your fault.

1. Change every diaper. I made sure I changed every diaper in the first two weeks. Mainly because it was bonding experience between Gray and I. She was feeding him, and he was sleeping, right, so I wanted a way to connect with him. Maybe there’s a better way than getting shit and pissed on, but I haven’t figured it out yet. So, for now, it’s our way of connecting. Even though it means I’m getting pooped on.

And for bonus points… Tell off a parent or two. I had no idea just how far this would go. The truth is, everyone raises children differently. So, when your parent tells you that this isn’t the way they’d do it, tell them you appreciate their input, but they can stick it up their ass. Wait… maybe don’t say it like that……….

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Categories Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting

First Night With Grayson and Blood

August 31, 2010 //
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I guess they don’t tell you everything in birthing class.

After all of our visitors left the first night in the hospital, we were finally able to spend some time with Gray. Dibs was obviously worn out, as was I, so we passed out pretty quickly.

A couple of hours after being asleep for a bit, I woke up to the sound of Grayson coughing. I walked over to his bassinet, and saw him coughing up blood. Yep, there’s my son, alive for only a few hours coughing up blood. Awesome. I’m still not exactly sure how I was able to stay calm during this. I grabbed the suction ball thing, and immediately started suctioning out his mouth. Dibs woke up and saw me shoving the suction ball thing in Gray’s mouth, putting him on his side and calming him down.

Not really the thing a new mom wants to see when she wakes up.

She pushes the nurses button, tells them what’s going on, a nurse comes in and there I am holding him. She wasn’t too keen on the fact that I was holding him, either. She takes him from me put him on his side and starts doing what I’ve already done.

The nurse sort of yelled at me for holding him, even though I’ve already done what they’re doing. That’s right, I paid attention on how to use the suction ball thing.

She tells me that if it happens again to pull this string in the bathroom. About an hour or so later, Dibs wakes up and sees Gray coughing up blood. This time it’s a lot more blood. She tries to get to him, but she’s had an epidural, so her legs aren’t really moving well. She wakes me up, and I start to do the same suction routine. I pull the string in the bathroom.

Next time someone tells you to pull a string in the bathroom, you should ask, “What does this string do?” I failed to do this. It’s the emergency string. BOOM! A team of people come rushing in, push me out of the way and start working on Grayson.

“He’s fine,” they say as they look at me with a confused face. Of course he’s fine now, I used the suction ball thing again. Hello?! “Why did you pull the emergency string,” they ask? Um, because y’all didn’t tell me it was the emergency string. They tell me that if it happens again, then I should do the same thing, and call the nurse like we did last time. Wow, let’s get it together, folks.

Well, an hour later, Grayson starts coughing up blood… AGAIN! I go through the same routine, the nurse comes in, and tells me they’re going to suction his stomach in the nursery. Again, you’ve just had your baby a few hours ago, and now they’re going to suction his stomach? Dibs wasn’t worried about this in the least. Nope. I go into the nursery with them and watch as they pump his little stomach. It was not the best thing I’ve had to watch, you know.

They tell me I should leave him in the nursery for the rest of the night so we can get some sleep, and they can monitor him. Um, are you kidding me? We weren’t going to take our eyes off the little guy. Thankfully, the stomach pump worked, and he was fine for the rest of the night. I know, because I watched him like a hawk.

We’ve later found out that this was a result of Dibs’ water breaking, and her not pushing him out. He was breathing in the blood and mucous. Yeah, I know. Remember when I told you guys we had to wait for our doctor to deliver the baby? Well, that caused this. They don’t tell you this in a class, so I’m telling you now.

If you wake up in the middle of your first night with your kid and he’s throwing up blood, be calm and suction the shit out of him.

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Categories Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting

Hello Grayson – A Birth Story

August 29, 2010 //
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I suppose you can’t have a baby blog without talking about the birth story.

Ours was surprisingly normal. Dibs woke up around 3am with contractions. I woke up around 5am and noticed she was not in bed. We hung out for about an hour as the contractions grew closer. Keep in mind, we’re pretty clueless on how to time them, even with the iPhone app.

When we determined they were close enough to call the hospital, I thought I’d be a good husband and do it. Mainly because had Dibs done it would have sounded like, “Hi, this is OOOOOooohhhhh, and my contractions are OOOOOooohhhhh.” When I called, no one answered. That’s right, the hospital didn’t answer the phone as my wife is going into labor.
Needless to say, this did not go over well with Dibs. She’s definitely earned the nickname Diabla, folks. She rips the phone out of my hand, calls again and leaves an amazing message.
If there was one thing I learned on Gray’s birthday it was that labor is not like movies.
I was expecting to be rushing to the hospital, weaving in and out of randomly placed Grandma’s crossing the street with walkers. Instead, we drove about 25mph and Dibs yelled at me for every bump we hit.
We finally get to the hospital, after hitting every light, and they tell us it’s not time yet. Really?!
Despite the fact that Dibs couldn’t walk and her contractions were on top of each other, the nurses determined that Gray wasn’t coming out till tomorrow since she was only 3cm dilated. They suggested that we should go home. “Um, y’all want me to take her home like this?”
The nurse decided to admit us, since I probably couldn’t handle her if we went home. Whew…
Dibs had decided that she’d wait for her water to break before she got an epidural. About an hour or so after being admitted, it broke. Shortly after that, she was dilated 5cm. Thanks, nurses.
The epidural wasn’t as bad as she thought, though I’m sure everyone says that.
Shortly after the epidural was administered Dibs passed out. Again, this is not like the movies. I sat beside her holding her hand with one hand, and playing words with friends with the other.
When she woke up an hour or so later, she was dilated 10cm and it was go time.
Epidurals are amazing. Our doctor was busy with another pregnancy a few doors down, who was having a natural birth, and let’s just say get the epidural.
I’d also like to point out how phenomenal our nurses (the delivery nurses, that is) were. They really were incredible.
Dibs was an amazing pusher. So amazing in fact, her and I almost pushed out the baby on our own when our nurse went to see where the doctor was. She left and said, “Just keep pushing.” When she came back she screamed, “Stop pushing!” Dibs literally could have pushed the kid out on her own. We had to wait about 20 minutes for the doc to show up before pushing again.
Also, can I just say, the man’s role is pretty much awkward and useless.
I counted down from 10 while she pushed, told her how amazing she was and held a leg for a bit. Maybe we provide some emotional support, but for the most part we’re useless.
At 5:39 Grayson slid his way out.
I’m not going to try to describe what it was like when we first saw him. No way I can do it justice. It was beyond anything I thought I could feel.
Grayson was a chunky 8lbs – 6oz and 20.5in.
He is all awesome.
I have so much more to say about prelabor things like the classes, picking out diaper bags, strollers, cribs, etc.
There’s also night after the delivery things I need to talk about, as well as bringing Grayson home.
And I will… All in due time.
Thanks for reading by the way.
This is all so different than what I usually write about. AKA… dick and fart jokes.

Categories Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting

Skip The Youth

August 28, 2010 //
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I officially became a dad two weeks ago today.

As much as I’ve tried over the past two weeks to avoid blogging about it, I’ve finally given into temptation.

A little intro…
My wife, Diabla, and I have lived in San Francisco for 4 years now, via Dallas, Texas.
We both work- me in sales for an SEM company, and her in finance.
Oh, and we have one handsome little baby boy named Grayson.
I promise to be as open as I can be when discussing our new life, as long as I know the wife won’t be too pissed about what I say. It’s possible I’ll even be able to get her to write! (Though, not likely…)

Why is “Skip The Youth” the title? Because that’s a song from one of my favorite bands, Frightened Rabbit, and I like it.
Have a listen to it – Skip The Youth – Frightened Rabbit

So, I hope you’ll enjoy our good times, our frustrating times and the times when it’s 3am and we can’t get Gray to stop crying.

I’ll also be talking about products we love! (Trust me, Dad’s, they try to screw us hard.)

I strongly encourage you to comment as much as possible. I want to have you share your experiences and have an open dialog in the comments section.

One last note. Sorry about the grammar. I’ve been successfully writing editor free for 8 years!

-Toph

Categories Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting
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