Expecting Dads… A Wake Up Call

October 7, 2010 //
2

“When your kid comes, your life will never be the same. Enjoy it while you can.”

How many times have you guys heard that? Every time I went to Vegas, Miami or New York before the kid came some douche dad said that to me on Facebook. So, I started blocking them on Facebook. (I love blocking people on Facebook. It’s the best. Yeah… you’re my friend… but you’re BLOCKED!)

Obviously when the kid comes things change. No one really tells you what is actually going to change, though, do they? Well, guys, that’s why you hired me! What’s that? I’m doing this for nothing? Eff…

So Long Life Without Guilt – Prepared to feel guilty about everything you do from here on out. I went golfing for the first time since Gray was born two Sunday’s ago. The whole time I felt like I was a terrible person for being gone. I wasn’t. On Sunday I’m going to the Frightened Rabbit concert. I’ve felt guilty about this since I bought the ticket. 2 months before Gray was born.

Seriously, You’re Going to be a Whole New Kind of Sleepy – And, here’s the thing, you can’t really complain about it! Dibs is a part of new mom’s group that discusses this sort of thing. I’m thinking we should start a new dad’s group to talk to each other about what we’re not allowed to talk to our wives about. Because no matter how tired you are, she’s 10 times more tired than you. Of course she is. Why wouldn’t she be? The metaphor would be complaining to someone that you had to settle for a BMW M model, when they’re driving their Grandma’s Cutlass Supreme.

You’re About to Accept A Lot – My example of this, if you follow my twitter, happened the other day at lunch. My friend, Ryan, and I were in line at the Thai place, and I’m on my phone. Ryan says, “Dude, what’s all over your phone?” I examine, shrug my shoulders and say, “Grayson pooped all over me last night. It must have gotten all over my phone.” This was at lunch! I’d gone over 12 hours with poop covering the top of my iPhone 4, and I shrugged it off. Never in my life did I think I’d laugh when someone hosed me down with poop, yet, here we are.

You’re Excited About the Tiniest Things – Every milestone that happens makes you think your kid is a genius. I mean… of course he is.

Eating Is a Whole New Experience – When we go to restaurants, we basically prepay, and ask them to bring it out in to go boxes. When he cries, one of us tries to calm down, if we fail, then we’re out. Eating at home is even more fun. She’s eating and I’m holding him. I’m eating and she’s holding him. Just be ready to eat cold food.

(As I type this, I’m having a beer at the office. I feel guilty about this. I told you!)

What else have you guys noticed as changing? Let’s start the New Dad’s Group…. now.

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Categories Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting

Gray’s Milestones

October 5, 2010 //
1

It’s shocking to me that Gray has been around for 7 weeks now.

I thought I’d look back over the quick 7 weeks and jot down some of Grayson’s biggest milestones down. I’m going to try and keep up with the cool things he’s doing as he develops, so we can look back on them.

Have I mentioned I plan on eventually printing this blog into a book for Grayson? I can’t wait to hand it to him, have him read it and be like, “Dad, I’m sorry I shit on you so much.” Damn right you are.

Head Control – This typically happens later the first month. For Gray, it happened around week 2. I’m not sure if he had head control, or his neck was so big it just held his head up. He was turning it side to side easily at week 3. He’s not holding his head up for 5 minutes at a time or anything, but he’s got some solid head holding skills.

Recognizing Us – The strangest thing happened at the grocery store the other day. I was walking towards Dibs, Gray was over her shoulder, and he locked eyes with me. I was between two other people, but it definitely seemed like he found me, and watched me all the way. Since then he’s been making long eye contact with us regularly. We’ve been playing staring contest with him. He wins every time.

Rolling Over Front to Back – We were completely shocked the first time Gray rolled over. We definitely figured it was a fluke. I mean, this was week 3, right? Turns out, he kept doing it. Put him on his front, and he’d find a way to roll over. Last week he did it 3 times in a row, Dibs made videos for everyone. Accidentally, he went from back to front while sleeping. He was swaddled. There was panic in the house.

Farting – Is this a skill they master? Because Grayson has this one covered. He farts like an old man. I think ever since he farted on our friend, Natalie, he’s been ripping with the best of them.

Figuring Out His Hands – Watching Grayson figure out what to do with his hands is funny. He still isn’t close to figuring everything out, otherwise he’d stop trying to claw out his eyes, but he’s getting some stuff down. He held onto a rattle for the first time the other day (admittedly, we probably should have tried that sooner), and he has a grip of death. In week 3, I noticed how determine he is. For example, his activity gym has these rings hanging down. For 2 days it seemed he was trying to grab the rings hanging above him. Once he finally grabbed him, he got them with one finger. So, he kept trying till he got them with his whole hand (as he’s grown it’s been easier). It’s been fun to watch him repeatedly go for these rings.

Cooing – A few weeks ago Gray started making coo noises. Is this a milestone? I don’t know, but it’s really funny. Sadly, he’s starting to make “Meh,” sounds. I know Dibs is at home with him right now saying, “Mommy,” over and over again.

Smiles – I still remember the first time Grayson smiled at me. I wanted to take the day off of work just to get him to do it again. He does it with regularity now, but I’m not going to lie, I get so excited each time.

Laughing – Er… Giggling – This happened the other day, but it was purely accidental. We know it was accidental. But, the fact that happened, and gave us a glimpse into what it’s going to sound like, was so amazingly awesome.

Wearing Converse – On Sunday, Gray put on his first pair of Converse. He’s never looked so awesome in life.

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Categories Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting

Make the Most of Your Friends

September 30, 2010 //
1

“I get by with a little help from my friends.”

Never has a song lyric meant so much to me. Being in a city with a baby where we have no family, we’ve leaned on our friends pretty heavily.

Let’s be honest, everyone says when you have a kid, you’re going to lose your friends. Well, I quite like my friends and I definitely don’t want to lose them. Sure, we can make some new ones along the way, but we have great friends now. Just because they don’t have kids, doesn’t mean we have to lose them. Granted, we’re not going to be getting wasted till 2am every night (some nights… one night a month? year?), but we can still be a part of their lives and vice-versa.

We haven’t taken them up on babysitting quite yet, though they have marked it our calendar, but we have used them for just about everything else.

Thought I’d share with you guys some ways to get your friends involved without going to the bars every night. Believe it or not, they do want to still be a part of your lives.

Invite Your Friends Over – We’ve found this is has been the easiest way to hang out with our friends. Sure, you’re place might be a mess, but at least you’re most comfortable there. Plus, if you need to breastfeed, you can escape to the bedroom, if it makes everyone more comfortable. We’ve been having people over for Cowboys games, and it has gone really well. They get to hang out with Gray, hang out with us, plus, root for the Cowboys.

Lunch/Brunch – We’ve found that Saturday/Sunday brunch has been easily manageable with Gray. We’ll feed him before we go and we’ll take a bottle just in case. We haven’t really had any problems, which is good. No one wants to be around a baby crying and acting like a fool at a restaurant. Sure, our time will come, but it hasn’t yet.

Visit Friends Homes – Same concept as hanging out your place. As long as they’re cool with you feeding at their place. As I mentioned before, we had our first friend’s house visit not too long ago. Everything went really well. It was like the foundation of being out of the house more.

Walks/Workouts – Our friends have accompanied Dibs on walks around the neighborhood and workouts down at Marina Green. Once we get a BOB, then we’ll be able to do more of this.

Free Babysitters – Finally, you’ll eventually trust one of your friends to look after your little person for at least a couple of hours, when you go on your first date away from the baby.

Escaping with Your Friends – Sunday night was my first time to escape (non-work-wise) with my friends, as we went and played golf. I’ve forced Dibs to have ladies nights, too. It just really helps to lean on your friends to get a break from the daily goings-on of parenthood.

If you have great friends, then they’ll offer to bring you food, take you out

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Categories Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting

Back to the Gym, Dad’s

September 28, 2010 //
1

Let’s admit something right now. We’ve gained weight over the past 9 months, haven’t we Dads? I mean, why wouldn’t you have? I’m not sure you’d be a good husband, boyfriend, gay partner, one-nighter-knock-her-upper had you not gained weight while your spouse was pregnant. She’s going for that extra cupcake, you should have, too. Now look at you, you’ve gained a good 5 (10… 15?) extra pounds.

Here’s the biggest issue with getting back into the gym – the lady isn’t back in the gym. No, she’s stuck feeding. Sure she’s losing 800-1,000 calories a day from it, but it’s not the same.

I came upon this problem immediately after my wife gave birth.

You can’t tell by looking at me, but I’m a little obsessed with working out. You really can’t tell by looking at me, but I’m a lot obsessed with running. The first couple of runs I went on, man, I felt like shit because Dibs wasn’t with me. I’d come home and I could feel the resentment.

When I went back to work, it got worse. Now I’m not seeing Grayson all day. I definitely don’t want to come home and immediately go to the gym. By the time I shower and make dinner I’d get, what, an hour or two with him a day? That’s just not enough for me.

I keep going back to the 10 things post, which I’m forever going to call the 10 Commandments. It’s a good reference point, huh? Like I said, I get up with every feeding to change him and burp him. The other night I find myself awake at 6am, and I can’t go back to sleep.

“Honey, I’m going to go for a run.”
“Really? Whatever, I’m going back to sleep.”

Running that early in the morning in San Francisco is pretty great, by the way. The sun is coming up, people with sucky jobs are waiting for the bus and it’s cold. Meanwhile, Dibs and Grayson are asleep and I’ve missed nothing. More importantly, they didn’t even know I was gone.

Sounds simple, but man I hate waking up early. The main thing I’m learning right now is this new life is about adapting. I don’t mind that.

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Categories Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting

Shut Your Mouth, Baby!

September 23, 2010 //
3

Me: “Honey, lots of new moms want to throw their baby out the window.”
Her: “No, honey. I don’t want to throw him out the window. I want to throw him against the wall. This way he has a better survival rate.”

Actual conversations by brand new parents! Please, don’t report us to CPS. If you are CPS, I was clearly kidding (umm…). And, if you start thinking we’re really terrible people, then you probably don’t have a child yet, or are past the 3 year mark and you’ve forgotten all of this fun stuff. In fact, you’re probably reading this because you’re ready for kid #2. Meaning, you’ve definitely forgotten all of this, or are in denial about what happened the first time around.

Being a parent is like being bipolar. This morning, while feeding, Gray’s pee leaked through his diaper and all over Diabla. “GET IN HERE AND GET HIM OFF OF ME!” I did, quickly. I changed him, and Dibs immediately went to prepare a bath for him and her. While preparing a bath, Gray started smiling like he’s never smiled before. I felt like he was almost on the verge of giggling. (PS. I know babies don’t giggle till around 4 months, but apparently they don’t roll over till month 2, and Grayson was doing that at week 3.) I quickly rushed him over she could see it, and she gushed, “I just love him soooo much. He’s so cute.” I didn’t feel the need to remind her that she still had pee on her. Hell, it was so adorable I almost took the day off from work hoping he’d smile at me all day.

Man, I’m on a tangent that was nowhere near where I wanted to go. I think I’m going to leave it anyways.

So, where was I wanting to go? Oh! Dibs throwing our kid against the wall. Let’s be honest, kids cry. It’s kind of what they do. But, there are some ways to help calm him down. I thought I’d share some of my techniques to getting Gray quiet with you guys. That’s what I do, right?

There’s a book that everyone talks about. Something about New Babies on the Block, or something. Some guy talks about the 5 S’s. I have heard these s’s, and I use some of them. I wished I remembered them, or bothered to read the book. With that said…

The Boob – I mean, this is a no-brainer, right? Nothing gets babies to chill quite like the boob.

Sweet, Sweet Swaddle – I have found that once I’ve swaddled Gray, he will chill out. It’s weird, because he hates it as I’m swaddling him, but he can’t really sleep without. He’ll wake himself up with Gangsta Pose without being swaddled. Sometimes he gets a little worse before he gets better with the swaddle, so keep that in mind. (Little known fact outside of my house… I’m the swaddle king. There is no swaddle queen. I don’t know why I love this fact so much.)

Over the Shoulder Hold – I don’t know what it is, but when I throw Gray over my shoulder he just chills. And I mean, over the shoulder, too. His belly is on my shoulder bone (To show how little I know about bones, I’m now wondering if there is a shoulder bone… Google it.). I toss him over and pat his back, and he’s fine. Well, until I take him off my shoulder. Everyone is always shocked when they see me do this.

Bouncing – He’ll also chill out when I stand up, put him on my chest and start bouncing. This will also usually put him to sleep. And, if I talk/rap (yeah, rap) while doing it all the better. I guess the vibrations calm him down. By the way, don’t shake him. That will obviously get him to be quiet… forever. You will go to jail. You will not pass go. You will not collect $200.

Baby Bjorn – This is just a super version of bouncing. So, I can bounce him while checking fantasy football scores in one hand and eating a burrito in the other. I had no idea how amazing being able to use both my hands would be till I discovered the magic of the Bjorn. Sweden is the gift that keeps giving.

Baby Massage – I’ve mentioned this before. Usually massaging Grayson involves a lot of farts from him, and a lot of laughing from me. Yep, I’m a dad.

Bath Time – He LOVES bath time. It’s hilarious. Once he hits the water, he’s in pleasure country.

Going for a Walk – If things are really bad, I’ll put Grayson in his stroller and take him for a walk. This is so phenomenal that 60% of the time it works every time. The change of scenery, combined with the sidewalk bumps calms him down.

Change their Diaper – Oh, snap, he’s crying cause he’s got poop in his diaper.

The Pacifier – Or as it’s known in my house, the silencer. This combined with anything above, besides the boob of course, increases your chances of a calm baby by some percentage that I’m sure has been reported somewhere. Let’s just say 83%. I think I mentioned before that Dibs was against the silencer. But, once she learned that as long as you don’t rely on it after month 3, they won’t still be using it when they’re 8 years old. And, that, my friends is a good thing.

Just, try to avoid throwing your baby at the wall, ok?

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Categories Baby Bonding, Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting, Soothing Baby

Getting Out of the House

September 20, 2010 //
4

We had some pretty big steps in parenthood happen in consecutive days. I should probably tell you about them.

The first was on Sunday. Dibs, Gray and I got out of the house for longer than 2 hours. The second was Dibs leaving the boys home for her first girl’s night after Grayson was born.

On Sunday, a friend invited us over to his place to watch the Cowboys game. He lives about 3o minutes away in the North Bay, so we were a bit scared. We had milk supply, with an hours worth of traveling, plus you knew he’d be fussy considering it was our first extended trip. Surprisingly, Grayson was fine during the game, despite the abysmal showing from the Cowboys. We fed him right up until we left to his house, and we fed him a few hours into the game. He took down the bottle, and needed more, of course he did. No big deal, right? Marse had her Hooter Hider, and she feed him.

After the game, we had to stop by Babies R Us to pick up a breast pump (we’ve been renting). Inside of Babies R Us is when things got interesting.

I need to briefly preface this story. Leading up to Sunday, Grayson had not pooped in about 3 days. I know you now know where this is all headed. Naturally, we were concerned, since before this poop-lull Grayson had not gone 30 minutes without shitting (I just got a vision of him reading this at age 18 and being like, “Seriously, Dad? You told people about my poop habits?”). The doctor said that if it lasts over 7 days, then we should be concerned.

He starts getting really, really cranky inside of Babies R Us. So, I pick him to see if I can calm him down. “Weird, there’s something wet on my arm,” I think to myself. I pull him away to see an ocean of poop all over me and him. He exploded! There was poop everywhere. It was so bad we had to buy him new clothes. Hell, we threw away most of what he was wearing. Luckily, we were at Babies R Us, right? How all that poo was inside that little body I’ll never know. So I clean him off, clean myself off, change him, change myself (let’s be serious here) and he’s happy again. We’ve just had our first 5 hour excursion!

The next night, Monday, I finally convince Diabla to take a break and go meet some friends for dinner. Monday night was going to be Daddy/Gray night. We’d watch some Monday Night Football, maybe clean up the house a bit and perhaps we’d surprise her with a little treat when she came home for actually leaving the house.

It went really well. Let’s be honest, he slept most of the time in the Baby Bjorn. We watched the game (with my Fantasy Football season basically on the line), and we managed to make Dibs some Chocolate, Chocolate Chip cookies. He started getting pissed off, at what I still don’t know, so I fed him his bottle. The milk storage bags aren’t accurate with the ounces, did you know that? Me either. Thanks to that new fact, I suppose I didn’t give him enough. Here I’m thinking he’s just taken out 4 and half ounces. Well, he didn’t. So I give it all to him. Still though, he’s not happy and none of my tricks are working.

Thankfully, Dibs came home, and he was immediately quiet. Once she held him, all was right in Gray’s world. Either he was really happy to see her, or was totally done with me.

We’re a month in, and things are finally seeming like they’re getting relatively close to normal.

By relatively close, I mean, not even remotely close to normal…

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Categories Fatherhood, Humor, Parenthood, Parenting

Bond Without Boobs

September 17, 2010 //
3

Every dad I’ve talked to is always telling me how they like to bond with their kid without having boobs.

Have you ever seen a group of people more desperate to have boobs? It kills me every time I’ve heard a dad mention it. “Sure she can feed him and all, but you can, too. They have bottles, you know.” Or, “I like to rock him to sleep, since I can’t feed him to sleep like someone can.” The jealousy is astounding. The only other group of people who understand this type of jealously are tween girls. All their friends have boobs, when will theirs show up??? It’s the same thing really.

This is reason number 183 why parenting is so weird.

So, let’s discuss some ways that dads can bond with their kid, without having the boobs from Meet the Fockers. Though, I guess, you could try that… weirdo. I’ve covered some of these in the 10 Commandments, but they should be repeated.

Bring the baby to the wife at night: The kid is upset, and the first thing he sees is you. Ok, so it’s not the most ideal situation, but it’s something. I like to see if I can calm him down before I hand him over to Diabla. That way I give myself credit for what has happened, as I drift back asleep. It’s the small victories.

Burp and Change him: This sort of goes along with the first point. In between boobs, I take Grayson and burp and change him. Of course, this usually results in getting spit up on, pissed on and shit on. Do with that what you will.

Feed him: Yeah, I know I just made fun of it, but it does work. I will say, I’m amazed how quickly my kid can tear through a bottle. 20 minutes on each boob, equates to 2 minutes on the bottle. He really treats the bottle like a shot. This really makes me scared for his future liver. 2 ounces means nothing to this kid.

Tummy Time: Oh man, tummy time is hilarious. I hate that we can’t think of a better name for it. Fish out of water time? Grayson is a master of fish out of water time. Just put the kid on his belly and see if you can make him flip over. If anything, it’s funny to watch for 10 minutes.

Skin to Skin: Here’s another name I can’t stand. Skin to Skin. Have you seen Requiem for a Dream? There’s a scene in there that the words Skin to Skin always reminds me of. You either know it or you don’t. Anyways, I do like when Gray sleeps on my chest. Apparently, he loves it too.

Massage: I guess babies love to be massaged. Every time I do it Gray farts like a high school kid after eating McDonalds, and I laugh like the high school kids more immature friend.

Baby Bjorn: Holy crap, this works 90% of the time. Put the kid in and walk around. Boom, he’s asleep in your arms aren’t going to sleep.

Watch the Cowboys together: Maybe this is just what Gray and I do? Ok, so we don’t let him actually watch tv, but I let him hear it (along with a few obscenities… he’ll learn them sooner or later, right?).

Whatever you do try and give the wife a break. Grayson and I go on stroller walks, or I’ll hold him while she showers. It sucks, you know, because you’re at work all day. So, take advantage of all the time you can. Otherwise, you’re a terrible dad, and you won’t be thanked when he wins the Heisman.

I’m sure y’all have plenty more ideas, so feel free to comment below. By that I mean on the blog, your Facebook comments do no good to anyone, but me.

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Categories Baby Bonding, Fatherhood, Humor, Parenthood, Parenting

The Great Stroller Debate

September 16, 2010 //
0


(Jessica Alba, you’re missing someone…)

Before Gray arrived, the stroller debate consumed my life. Everywhere I looked, I was checking out strollers. I actually got concerned walking down the Embarcadero, when a chick walked by and I couldn’t take my eyes of her Bugaboo.

No, Bugaboo isn’t slang for her ass. It’s a stroller, and it’s much less exciting.

Dibs and I went back and forth on three strollers. We were at Giggle every day looking at them. We went so much, I’m still the Foursquare mayor.

I learned something here, folks, something important: Strollers are ridiculously expensive.

To help you guys decided, I thought I’d give you our top 3, including the one we picked.

3. Orbit Baby – $750

I still think this one is cool. I mean, you can basically spin your baby in this swivel chair. What’s not awesome about that? Oh, wait, that’s not how it works? Weird… Ultimately, we had two problems with it. 1. Diabla read on Consumer Reports that it could internally combust… or maybe it was just poorly rated. And 2. It’s not a full travel system. No car seat adapter for this stroke of “innovation.” So, you’re spending $750, and you can’t put your car seat in it? No thanks. Whoa… I just realized how much the Orbit looks like PacMan.

2. Bugaboo Cameleon – $979

I really dug the Bugaboo, but my kid just isn’t worth $979. I kid! (No I don’t.) Just like the My Brestfriend, isn’t it spelled Chameleon? Can I really trust something that’s spelled wrong? This is why I don’t go to Kwik Kar, you know? I still recommend the Bugaboo, though. It just wasn’t for us. I also still don’t really love the seat. It terrifies me. I think our kid would look too gay sitting in there.

1. UPPAbaby Vista – $680

This is the first time I realized that we actually bought the cheaper of the three strollers. Nice. We liked the UPPAbaby from the get-go. We bought the gray one (before we decided on the name, Grayson, mind you). I also like the bassinet that comes with it. We use it in the house, too, for when Gray is napping in the living room. It also matches his Chicco car seat, which was an added bonus. It’s a little wide, but that just means that other strollers should get out of our way! They have great reviews on Consumer Reports, and since Dibs is obsessed with Consumer Reports, it helped. Plus, I look pretty effin’ cool pushing this stroller around.

Good luck finding yours!

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Categories Baby Accessories for Dad, Dad Gear, Fatherhood, Parenthood, Parenting, Strollers

Newborn Products We Thought We Needed, but Didn’t (and Vice Versa)

September 14, 2010 //
0

Everyone says, “You’ll figure out that you don’t need half of the stuff you buy/is bought for you really quickly when the baby comes.” What they don’t say is, “You don’t know half of the shit that you actually need, or don’t need.” Why does no one tell you this stuff?

I got with Diabla and we put together a list of both the things we have and never used, and the things didn’t have, but really needed. I hope it helps you guys, cause, dang, no one told us this shit.

Blankets – Everyone buys you blankets. I don’t remember putting 100 blankets on the registry, yet, there they sit. Unused. We have maybe 3 blankets out of 20 that get used. The rest are in a drawer.

Diapers – It’s not that we didn’t think we’d need diapers. Of course we did. We just didn’t realize the amount of Newborn diapers we’d actually need. Holy crap he goes through a lot of diapers. Seriously, when you think you have enough Newborn diapers, buy 36 more.

Pacifier – We decided that we weren’t going to let Grayson go the pacifier route. Then we spent a night with him. Did you know the way babies soothe themselves is with sucking? Apparently, they keep their hands in their mouth a lot when in the womb. I didn’t know this. Then the first thing we do when they’re out of the womb is take their hands away. If you’re worried about them becoming addicted, Diabla read that as long as you don’t let them rely on it after month 3, it should be ok.

Lotion – We have a shitpile of baby lotion. First thing our pediatrician said, “Don’t use baby lotion on his dry skin.” Um, ok…

Boppy – Did you know the Boppy really isn’t supposed to be used for newborns? We didn’t either. Luckily a friend of ours handed hers down, and we didn’t buy it. The lactation consultant suggested the My BrestFriend (Remember when you were her “Brest Friend,” dads?). Dibs loves it. I still can’t figure out where the A in breast went.

Onesies – Stay away from buttons. Seriously, if you can find onesies that zip from toe to neck, buy them. They are so simple. Especially at 4am when you’re half asleep trying to match up buttons. Man, that is so dumb.

Shout Stain Remover – Our spray Shout now resides in a changing table drawer. Seriously, the kid poops on everything.

Lotrimin – Yes, the athlete’s foot cream. John Madden has Tough Actin’ Tinactin, baby’s have Lotrimin. It really is amazing how quickly it can get rid of diaper rash.

Swaddle – The swaddles that were bought for us sucked so hard. I stole 3 from the hospital, and we still use them. I hate the ones that have the velcro, as Gray breaks them easily. And the ones from Swaddle Designs are too flimsy.

Nipple Cream – Apparently a kid on your breast can do some things to your nips. Not to go to far into it, but Dibs recommends Motherlove. It doesn’t stain your clothes like some others.

Hand Sanitizer – I hate hand sanitizer so much. A friend of ours bought us some of this EO Hand Sanitizer Gel, and I love it. I love the lavender and I love the lemon. It doesn’t stink like most, and frankly doesn’t make your hands taste like shit. It’s great for diaper changes. You can find the EO at Whole Foods.

Lots of Wet Wipes – We go through about a pack of wipes a day. Since I hate the pee-pee-teepee, I put a dry wipe over him when I change him. I also use one to pat his booty dry.

Crib Bedding – See blankets. We subscribe to the Empty Crib theory, so the only thing in the crib is Gray, a swaddle and a…

Suction Ball Thing – That’s all that we put in the crib. I keep the same suction ball thing from the hospital in his crib. I don’t think I’ll ever get rid of it.

Changing Pad Covers / Disposable Covers – Get plenty. They’re going to poop, piss and spit up all over them. Gray’s record right now is 3 in one day.

Burp Cloths – Again, the more the better. Trust me.

Pants – Funny story. We didn’t have any pants for Grayson. We had an abundance of onesie’s, but no pants. Needless to say, we had to make a quick trip to Baby Gap for some pants for the little guy. How the hell do you forget to buy your kid pants? We’re terrible parents.

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Categories Fatherhood, Newborn Checklist, Newborn Products, Parenthood, Parenting

Dad’s, The Offensive Linemen of the Family

September 10, 2010 //
2

Football started last night! While watching my fantasy team implode in the first game of the season, I started thinking about my little team at home.

From the time I was a small child playing flag football and throughout my football playing life, I was always told that a football team is a family. And, as cliche as it is, it’s true. You protect your teammates, they have your back, you have theirs. Everyone has a role, and if everyone executes that role well, you succeed.

Last night, I started filling in the starting offense of my family football team. The one I mostly struggled with was the quarterback position. Was it the mom? Or the baby?

Ultimately I’ve decided that, unless we were calling mom the head coach, she had to be the QB. She’s really the one that makes the offense go. Her production makes the running back even better. She “feeds” the baby the ball. The stronger her game is, the stronger running game/the baby will be.

I decided that our friends were the receivers. They’re on the outside, sure, but they can make some big, big plays. Things like bringing us dinner, taking care of the baby in an emergency, or giving the QB a break with ladies dinners.

Our family (Parents, siblings, aunts, uncles, cousins) is our security blanket. The people we can rely on no matter what. They’re the tight ends of our offense. They fight for the tough yards, they’re our red zone target and they’ll draw plays up with you in a hotel room (3 people got that).

That leaves us, Dads. The most under appreciated part of this offense. For we, Fathers are the offensive line. We protect the QB, we open the holes and we do the work no one appreciates. Well, our QB appreciates what we do. She may not be buying us a Rolex when we execute a perfectly time glass of water. She may not take us to a steak dinner when we bust out a 3am diaper change/burp combo. But, without us, our team is going nowhere.

Cheesy? Yeah… Accurate? Hell yeah.

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Categories Fatherhood, Humor, Parenting
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